Monday, June 26, 2006

Here it comes...

I worry. All the time. Leif has a few little problems with his colostomy. I've been told that there are always a few little problems with colostomies. It's a comfort that these problems are normal, yet I still worry. I worry that Leif is sick. I worry about what could happen.
Leif is expected to have his major bowel surgery in less than 2 months. I worry about that. He is blessedly and blissfully unaware of the impending surgery. I worry that he will not survive the surgery or that there will be complications...
Can someone please tell me that all this worry is normal mother stuff? Will I still worry about him in 2 years when this is all resloved? I feel like it would be comforting to know that this is normal...then I won't resent his disease so much.

I love him so much it hurts sometimes. The idea of him enduring more pain is almost unbearable.

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Good God revisited.

So my son Leif Cole has safely entered the world. He was a good size upon birth 8.4 lbs. I couldn't be prouder. Less than 24 hours after he was born he started to spit up bile and was rushed to the Children's Hospital in the city. There numerous tests were done on him, and numerous needles were stuck in him. The next day he was diagnosed with Hershsprung's Disease, a disease of the bowel in which the ganglion nerves are missing thereby keeping the bowl in a constant state of contraction. Leif was quite sick and wasn't able to pass any faecal matter so he had to have a colostomy (a surgery in which the intestine is redirected to empty out of the abdomen, bypassing the effected bowel.) He has now been home for a week after 2 weeks in the neonatal ICU. He will need one more major surgery to bypass the bad bowel and make him able to poo out his rear.

Due to the amazing advances in medicine, his diagnosis is relatively benign. He is alive and healthy and will most likely live a normal life.

God gave him this disease. But God also prepared me for this during my entire pregnancy. God gave him the disease, but God also wept with me as Leif was given a new IV almost daily and had a tube inserted down his tiny throat. God wept with me and held me, as He weeps with all mothers over the injustice of life suffered by their children. During my pregnancy God constantly reminded me to pray that my faith would be strong enough to handle something bad happening to my son...and now God has provided me with a tiny faith able to cope with this. I can thank God for my gorgeous son, and that he is home with us now and that I get to be a part of his every moment in life.

I hope this makes sense.