Sunday, March 15, 2009

Where Does It Stop?

This morning a woman stood up in church and shared her story of losing her little son at 23 weeks gestation. She shared her agonizing and grief, her deep hurts and questions, and also her deep and abiding peace. Later, I spoke with a woman who lost her son in the recent fires. Another friend recently went to her mother's home country to bury her grandfather, and still another is battling an eating disorder. After my conversation with the grieving mother, I spoke with a friend about sex trafficking in Melbourne. I felt crushed. My heart is overwhelmed by all the pain and suffering in the world. I have carried it around all day and, honestly, I am crushed by it. I feel powerless against it all, and I don't want to know any more. I try to avoid the news in order to shield myself from the mighty weight of the world. But I do want to help. I so desperately want to fix everything for everyone. I want to save all the victims, and be understanding to the misunderstood. I want to feed the hungry and clothe the naked. But where does it stop? I am not able to do it all. Even with all the money in the world I can not fix it all. What is my role and responsibility? I crave to be bigger, more powerful, more influential, more energetic, more capable...but I am not. I am only me. So now, I suppose I will just weep. I am not able to do more.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

oh erika. i had a moment like this in africa. i won't give you the details, but the weight of all the children in Uganda was crushing my spirit. i sat on the patio that night and sobbed my little heart out to God. and He heard me, and brought me enough peace to continue, he reminded me that one hug for one sad child is a good work. we are each of us bigger than the sum of us. when you pray God takes that little prayer and turns it into something amazing... movement! maybe in the heart of your neighbour, or in the mind of someone on the other side of the world! And sometimes weeping is enough. mourning every damaged child, because that loss deserves our grief! There is honor in weeping. jenny