How to grieve with

I am not sure exactly why, but I have been asked a few times by people close to someone grieving "What should I do?" I have not had any more horrible times than any common man, thus I am not an expert, but my mother is, and I thought I would type out some of her wisdom passed on. All people grieve so differently, and some people will hate all these tips, but I think it is always better to err on this side as it will be easier for someone to say "I dont want to talk about it" than for someone to say "I WANT to talk about it."

1. Asking Questions- Ask questions about details. This shows you care, and for people who get concerned about burdening others with their grief, this is a way for you to invite sharing the load. It also leads the way in showing them what you are willing to bear. I know for myself, when I witnessed a traumatic event, I wanted people to ask me details. No one did. But I wanted to rehash again and again the colours and sights and sounds as a way of purging the images and sounds.

2. Allow them to say what they feel- No contradictions! They may have been a strong person of faith, but in the wake of losing a child, are struggling to feel loved by God. Allow them to express this rage, confusion and pain without contradiction, at least initially. You can gently remind them of truth in a year or two.

3. Say the name- For someone who has lost a loved one, it can be a balm to hear someone else acknowledge the person that they loved is still remembered. Loss is about as painful as it gets, gently and lovingly referring to a person who is dead will not make the pain worse, but will show that you remember them too.

4. Sit and cry with someone. No words necessary. Hand out tissues.

5. Resist the urge to say "It's ok, He's in heaven" or "At least you have other children" or "he's better off." A sister who has lost her brother, or a mother who has lost her child is really only concerned that their loved one isn't WITH THEM. Whatever comfort they may derived from where their loved one is NOW, is really up to the griever.

6. Be around, call regularly, remember them and their pain 6-12 months along. Go visit, and call to check in.

7.Above all, loving someone as Christ loves- practically, emotionally, and spiritually- will cover innumerable mistakes. Love is like that. I hope this can be a little bit helpful. It has been for me.

Sugar Scrubs

Due to High Altitude, freezing temps, and running heaters my skin is SUPER dry. The only thing that seems to allowing relief has been sugar scrubs. I wanted to put some of the recipes I've come up with here simply because it's fun. I am now a huge fan of them and they cost pennies when made from your cupboard.

Chai Tea Sugar Scrub
1/2 sugar (white or brown)
3 Tbsp oil (olive or coconut are awesome)

Mix together
Add:
1 Tbsp honey
contents of one Chai Tea bag

Store in water tight container. A great face and body scrub.
Be sure to rinse well as tea can settle in places you'd rather not have anything brewing!

Lemon Sugar Scrub

1/2 sugar
3 Tbsp oil (coconut or olive)
Peel of half lemon
-warm oil with peel and mix in sugar
Add:
juice of half lemon

Store in water tight container. Great for face and body.

Leif's "Fire" Sauce

My oldest son has decided at random times, to begin his forays into culinary creation. He's made some fruit salad which was great and a green salad which was certainly alright for a 5 year old. He gets to use a sharp knife and a cutting board, and has ideas for sauces etc. He wanted to put lemon on the fruit salad, and it was delicious. Last night he came to me and wanted to make hot sauce. We decided we needed to go shopping for some hot chillies, and a few other things, so of course, all day he has been reminding me we need to go. Upon arrival at home, he whipped out the chillies, and onions and began cutting. He began cutting. His eyes were watering with onion juice. He located buttons on the food processor by letter recognition. Here's the REALLY delicious sauce my son created. I'm seriously proud!

1 hot chilly (whichever one you want)
1/2 brown onion
1 tsp salt
1 tsp sugar
1 tsp garlic powder (feel free to use fresh)
2 tsp apple cider vinegar
7 Tbsp tomato puree

Whizz up in a food processor to desired consistency. Eat.