(This post was written well over a year ago. It doesn't feel any less true now than it did then...)
My kids were singing the popular kids song “Every step I take in You” and I began humming along while flipping apple cinnamon pancakes… and then I burst into tears.
This last term has been a hard one- coming pregnant with our fourth baby, helping the family, especially kids transition into our new life, saying more hellos and goodbyes then I care to count, seeking community, and seeking ways to serve the humanity we interact with. We dove off a cliff, trusting ourselves and children into God’s hand and God’s care. Every step we made, we made in trust. And the way He has provided has been so much different than we expected. It’s sent us reeling, sometimes in sheer disappointment. I think in our faith jump, maybe we expected to float down, and not hit bottom. We weren’t expecting the rug rash of the trampoline we’ve been bouncing on…
We expected finances to be organized by His almighty hand, we expected spiritual support and encouragement, we expected teammates in our various ministries to be here longer than 1-2 years. We expected God to provide for our friend”s finances and health needs. And although He has and IS providing, it is not in the comfortable ways we want. We want money to fly down from heaven, we want friends to stay, we want to stay completely healthy.
And as every step we take, we do take it in faith, trusting to the waves of mercy and waves of grace that knock us off our feet, and roll us head over heels leaving us stunned and confused, not always seeing straight... Because this life of faith is terrifying, and I’m not always sure I wanna do it.